Updated: Sep 10, 2019
The moment that took me from depressed to coping with myself then on to thriving and loving life.
My Moment is Connection
I struggle to pinpoint the exact moment when I realised that I was suffering from depression because I don't think there is one. Rather like how I got depression wasn't from one moment but an accumulation of many, realising I had depression came from the many terrible moments I endured and not one big epiphany moment. But I do know when it took me to my lowest point because it's also the moment where I stopped being a victim to my poor mental health. I was at the bottom of a 2 year spiral deeper and deeper into depression; panic attacks where I would hear voices and struggle to breathe, uncontrollable fits of crying and delusional states where I would have animated conversations with myself were becoming more and more regular. Yet somehow she brought me into a state of serenity.
For the first time I heard myself openly admitting what I was suffering from and that I wanted to get better but I felt stuck in the life I was living. Then everything clicked for me like a cliche movie. I was in the city where dreams are made, just hit rock bottom mentally and reunited with the person I felt closest to in the whole world. Sitting on the kerbside of a street in New York City looking up at the lights and into the face of my best friend who had just pulled me out of the worst panic attack of my life giving me a sudden moment of absolute clarity where I realised that I am the determining factor for everything that happens in my life. Meaning all the ‘problems’ in my life were stemming from me but on the flip-side I had the power to make the most amazing things happen in my life and to chase my dreams.
There was still a lot of hard, emotional work that I had to do after this to be the person I wanted to be and to create a positive life but this moment was the start. And it continues to inspire me to love my life because it taught me the value of being present and truly connecting with someone in a moment. Which is why now connection is everything to me; connection to others through their eyes, to my own body through breath, to the flow of the natural world when alone in nature and to the whole world when our differences are put aside. Catching a glimpse of connection in any moment is what inspires me to live a life I love.
My Moment is Connection.